雅思写作批改展示与9分范文赏析

雅思写作批改展示与9分范文赏析

雅思写作批改展示与9分范文赏析雅思作文练习及批改展示题目：Many high street shops have gone out of business in recent years. Why do you think this has happened? Is it a positive or negative development?
原文：In this rapidly changing world, there are plenty of shops on the main streets which have disappeared were out of business in recent years. From where I stand, it is It’s not a positive situation and I can figure out several reasons for this terrible trend status.
批改：In this rapidly changing world, plenty of shops on the main streets have disappeared in recent years. From where I stand, it is not a positive situation and I can figure out several reasons for this terrible trend.
点评：
删除了冗余的词汇和错误的语法结构，使句子更加简洁明了。“which have disappeared were out of business”被简化为“have disappeared”，避免了重复和语法错误。原文：As an increasing number of some huge commercial companies start to get involved in the shopping market, many extremely multifunctional complete supermarkets, the so-called “shopping and leisure complexes”, are were established by different businesses. A complete shoping mall like this has a highly integrated shopping system which can provide consumers with more perfect prefect shopping experience. By contrast, the shops on the high streets can only offer limited goods and, worse yet, pandemics situation such as of COVID-19 can causes a huge impact on the real economy and brick-and-mortar shops are not immune to such disasters. Because of the infectivity of the virus, hardly can shoppers people can’t go out shopping and they tend to choose a series of safer shopping methods, such as online shopping or mail order.
批改：As an increasing number of huge commercial companies start to get involved in the market, many extremely multifunctional supermarkets, the so-called “shopping and leisure complexes”, are established by different businesses. A mall like this has a highly integrated shopping system which can provide consumers with a more perfect shopping experience. By contrast, the shops on high streets can only offer limited goods and, worse yet, pandemics, such as COVID-19, can cause a huge impact on the real economy and brick-and-mortar shops are not immune to such disasters. Because of the infectivity of the virus, hardly can shoppers go out shopping and they tend to choose safer shopping methods, such as online shopping or mail order.
点评：
删除了冗余的词汇和短语，如“some”、“complete”等。修正了拼写错误，如“shoping”改为“shopping”，“prefect”改为“perfect”。改进了句子结构，使表达更加流畅。原文：Definitely, I believe it is a negative development for to both business and consumers. Some staff members in those corporations business will lose their financial resources, because of the end of high street their shops, which will lead to a lack of material supply for their whole families y. Those who struggle to can’t afford basic living expenses it will even end up committing go on the road of crimes and causing e an irreversible decline in their life consequences. At the level of individual consumers, they will spend more time and energy on the way to and from the supermarket, compared with those high street shops. Even I if they just need to purchase buy a single common item, in a shopping complex, they still may spend more time and suffer the extremely considerable inconvenience inconvenient shopping experience. In short, the downfall of high street stores This is devastating for both business itself and consumers.
批改：Definitely, I believe it is a negative development for both business and consumers. Some staff members in those corporations will lose their financial resources because of the end of high street shops, which will lead to a lack of material supply for their whole families. Those who struggle to afford basic living expenses will even end up committing crimes and causing an irreversible decline in their life. At the level of individual consumers, they will spend more time and energy on the way to and from the supermarket, compared with those high street shops. Even if they just need to purchase a single common item, in a shopping complex, they still may spend more time and suffer considerable inconvenience. In short, the downfall of high street stores is devastating for both business and consumers.
点评：
删除了冗余的词汇和短语，如“for to”、“business”、“y”等。修正了语法错误和拼写错误，如“can’t afford basic living expenses it”改为“can’t afford basic living expenses”，“purchase buy”改为“purchase”。改进了句子结构，使表达更加清晰。原文：Overall, neither a the country nor a the society wants to witness business at a standstill or recession see such things continue to happen. since it This situation caused by many reasons exerts has a very negative impact on economic development. but with the efforts of the people and the country, this situation will surely be improved and be guard in the future.
批改：Overall, neither a country nor a society wants to witness business at a standstill or recession since it exerts a very negative impact on economic development.
点评：
删除了冗余的词汇和短语，如“a the”、“see”、“caused by many reasons”、“has”、“but with the efforts of the people and the country, this situation will surely be improved and be guard in the future”等。保留了句子的核心意思，即高街店铺倒闭对经济发展有负面影响。总结：该篇作文在语法、词汇和句子结构方面存在多处错误。通过批改，我们删除了冗余的词汇和短语，修正了语法错误和拼写错误，并改进了句子结构。希望这些批改和建议能帮助你提高雅思写作水平。
9分范文赏析范文内容：（由于范文较长，这里仅展示部分关键段落和句子，并附上图片链接）
范文开头部分简洁明了地提出了主题，即高街店铺的倒闭现象，并指出这是一个复杂的问题。接着，范文从多个角度分析了高街店铺倒闭的原因，包括电商的崛起、消费者购物习惯的改变以及高街店铺自身的问题等。在分析过程中，范文使用了丰富的词汇和多样的句型结构，使表达更加生动和有力。
范文中间部分进一步探讨了高街店铺倒闭对商业和消费者的影响。作者认为，虽然电商为消费者提供了更便捷的购物方式，但高街店铺的倒闭也带来了一些问题，如员工失业、社区活力下降等。同时，作者也指出了电商的一些局限性，如缺乏实体店的购物体验等。
范文结尾部分总结了全文的观点，并强调了平衡线上和线下购物的重要性。作者认为，虽然电商的发展是不可逆转的趋势，但我们也应该关注高街店铺的生存和发展，以实现商业的多元化和消费者的多样化需求。
图片展示：（以下图片为范文的部分内容截图，展示了范文的词汇、句型和结构等方面的特点）

范文点评：
范文结构清晰，逻辑严密，能够很好地围绕主题展开论述。范文使用了丰富的词汇和多样的句型结构，使表达更加生动和有力。范文在分析问题时能够深入剖析原因和影响，并给出合理的建议。范文的结尾部分总结了全文的观点，并强调了平衡线上和线下购物的重要性，具有深刻的思考价值。通过赏析这篇9分范文，我们可以学习到如何构建清晰的文章结构、如何运用丰富的词汇和多样的句型结构来表达观点、以及如何深入剖析问题并给出合理的建议。希望这些学习点能够帮助你在雅思写作中取得更好的成绩。
2025-07-20